hi, my names *ellen*
that didnt translate too well into writing... oh well.
i should be doing my monolouge, but all i really want to do is play with my cell phone(call me! call me!) and sleep.
i did a lot of sleeping today, mostly in class. now i want to sleep some more.
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:35 PM |

 
i yam what i yam
sleep is good. i slept in today, but not for long enough. im looking forward to sleeping again as soon as possible. im deliberating about wheter or not to write my monolouge. it was due thrusday, but on the other hand, i am completely uninspired right now.
i am missing movies and a really want to see aguirre wrath of god and fitzcarraldo right now. i love how things in his movies are real. the strong man really is a strong man and the piano player is a concert pianist. i could also use some of his "i write screenplays in 2 days" vibes right now, i am feeling very uncreative and that is bad. i shall have to delge into more creative moods( you know i just wanted to use that word. i dont think im even using it properly)
- posted by Caitlin @ 9:34 PM |

 
alisons gonna be mad at me
im so tired that i forgot to tell you a bit of wisdom from werner himself. maybe.
there was once a prince who one day took off all his clothes and hid under a table and wouldnt come out because he said he was a rooster. he would only eat grain. the king brought in all these expensive doctors to try and cure him, but nothing worked. one day a sage came, took off all his clothes and got under the table with the prince. then he too was a rooster. a little while later the prince came back up, put on clothes, ate normal food and started interacting with people. the sage ahd told him: " nothing can change what you are. even if you put on people clothes and eat people food and act like a person, you will still be a rooster, just in disguise."
- posted by Caitlin @ 2:15 AM |

 
one's comapny, two's a crowd
today was so great, with the exception of the miserable baseball game. errol morris was awesome. al pacino was ON THE PHONE! and werner herzog was the most intresting and wonderful and amazing person ever, i will have to see all of his movies. i thought i saw eric byler, and was gonna say something to him, but he left too quickly, and then i got outside and saw the real eric byler, and i was glad i hadnt said anything to the fake one.
cordelia came and saw als movie, and anna and eli were also there. it was great. did i mention how amazing werner herzog was? and the fact that al actually PHONED the virgina and spoke on the speaker??( im sorry you missed it, cordelia) its amazing how good movies and freinds never fail to put me in a good mood.
- posted by Caitlin @ 2:08 AM |

 
lawrence, sir!
prom is waaay too complicated and im frusterated with it.
i got mad at alison today and then told her all the things i was mad about, and then she felt sad, and i felt bad, but i think we have it all worked out now. lawrence of arabia yesterday was GREAT, lawrence is my new hero, i love the way he speaks and moves, and i even liked him at the end when he was deppresed and "i hate the desert"-y. the movie today was much more dissapointing, but i have high hopes for tully and el whatsit and invincible, yay! mr orange returns! and errol morris! ok, im really excited about all this, i admit it.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:36 PM |

 
there will be time to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet
yet another good day today, wow, this is a long streak for me. only bad thing: i miss ayesha! come back ayesha! get well soon!
i am getting a b in math, and a high enough b to get a b for the quater. but just barely. so now i have to work really hard. also, my indeoendent study syllabus is beautiful. i am so excitec. plus, i learned a secret today that i absolutly cannot tell anyone(its pretty mean of me to tell you all about it, i guess, but youll find out eventually). also: PROM SHOES!!! they are the most perfect shoes i have ever seen.
in EW they made a refrence to j edgar hoover cross dressing, and i thought: wow, i cant belive they put that in a magazine like this, no one will know what theyre talking about. and then i thought: caitlin! what an awful thing to think! you know all about j edgar, so why shouldnt everyone else! you are so conceited! i remind myself of japan and the us.
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:07 PM |

 
o is for the only one i see
im still in a very jazzy mood today. hooray! lots of good stuff happened: it was pretty, i actually PLAYED in the game(though i struck out. but i have an at bat!!!!), i magically finished both of my math assignments at school, and i got my stuff from billy collins!!! oh yay, i love him so much, he is the nicest guy ever for writing to me. he sent me this interveiw thing he did and also a nice little printed card thing with a poem of his. at the top is says 'to caitlin" and at the bottom he signed it. yay! i need to write him another email to tell him i got it and thank him profusely.
i got my act scores, and even though i know i did very well and i should be happy, im not really that excited about them. no, i will not tell you what they are.
the only bad things: i am meeting w/ mr rayb to discuss my IS(this is good), but that means i dont have a free period tommorrow, and i have not done my homework and dont know when i will.also, i have a monolouge and an explication due thurs. eek.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:15 PM |

 
revenge is a dish best served cold
yay, the play is over. it was fun. im tired. i got a makeover and a ring, temporarily, both of which were very pretty. the cast party was fun, esp after most people had left. small cast parties are always better. then me and drew went to my house and watched kill bill, which was great. good movie. im all excited to see the second one. and also, i want to see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. but anyway. i went to sleep later(very) and woke up around 11. today was such a good day. i guess ive had a bad week. nothing really happened- i just wasnt very happy all week. but today was so good. i dont know why, my mood just changed, and i felt happy and dancey. the only bad thing: i have done no homework. eek. but i will not let that ruin my good mood.
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:09 PM |

 
ive got to go away
today was truly excellent, except for one tiny blip of slef pity. sometimes i am really stupid. but it was SO BEAUTIFUL. during 5th anita and drew and i went out and sat on the quad, and it was just the most wonderful thing. we took off our shoes and felt sunny, but when we got back it sucked even more than usual because it was inside and icky. plus, i didnt get to read 'the love song of j alfred prufrock', instead i read 'thirteen ways of looking at a blackbird', which is good, but im sad for my TS. oh well.
the play went well, i guess. nothing majorly wrong happened that i know of. and pulp fiction is a go.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:56 PM |

 
in a thing called love
dont you hate it when you do something, and right after you do it, you realize that it was an extremely bad idea, but you cant take it back?
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:55 PM |

 
i belive i belive i belive
today was by far much better, but maayan! i love you maayan, you were so amazing today. i dont think that i would be able to do anything like that.
i "auditioned" for big show, which was great fun. and dinner yay, except for alison, boo. warm ups for the play were fun, esp the tribal chant thing. play went well, we had fun disscussions about sex talks and engagement rings and carle park. and i saw justin! he was nice.
and most of my everyone-is-stupid feelings went away, except for one person. and i feel really bad about not liking him because everyone else seems to.
anyway, i got a cool sticker and i am looking forward to have ms linder, and i got another letter from billy collins! yay. he sounds like hes tired of talking to me, though. but still, its BILLY COLLINS!!
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:34 PM |

 
hey! des ladies here!
i am taking billy collins's advice and copying down some of his poems so i can 're-live' writing them. and also they are good.

Pinup

The murkiness of the local garage is not so dense
that you cannot make out the calendar of pinup
drawings on the wall above a bench of tools.
Your ears are ringing with the sound of
the mechanic hammering on your exhaust pipe,
and as you look closer you notice that this month's
is not the one pushing the lawn mower,wearing
a straw hat and very blue shorts,
her shirt tied in a knot just below her breasts.
Nor is it the one in the admiral's cap, bending
forward, resting her hands on a wharf piling,
glancing over the tiny anchors on her shoulders.
No, this is March, the month of great winds,
so appropriatly it is the one walking her dog
along a city sidewalk on a very blustery day.
One hand is busy keeping her hat down on her head
and the otheris grasping the little dog's leash,
so of course there is no hand left to push down
her dress which is billowing up around her waist
exposing her long stockinged legs and yet the secret
apparatus of her garter belt. Needless to say,
in the confusion of wind and excited dog
the leash has wrapped itselfaround her ankles
several times giving her a rather bridled
and helpless appearence which is added to
by the impossibly high heels she is teetering on.
You would like to come to her rescue,
gather up the little dog in your arms,
untangle the leash, lead her to safty,
and receive her bottomless gratitude, but
the mechanic is calling you over to look
at something under your car. It seems that he has
run ito a problem and the job is going
to cost more than he had said and take
much longer than he had thought.
Well, it can't be helped, you hear yourslef say
as you return to your place by the workbench,
knowing that as soon as the hammering resumes
you will slowly lift up the bottom of the calendar
just enough to reveal a glimpsof what
the future holds in store: ah,
the red polka-dot umbrella of April and her
upturned palm extended coyly into the rain.
-billy collins

ok, that was sorta long, and now my arms asleep. so i wont relive any more.but what should i write back to him?
today generally sucked. i think i was just in a bad mood, because i was certainly very angry, or at least annoyed, at a lot of people. grrr. but there were a few highlights. oh well.


- posted by Caitlin @ 10:58 PM |

 
if you wanna be free, be free
today was very much a roller coaster, from me being happy and having fun to me feeling unloved and getting pissed off at certain people... but its definatly happy now because i just got a letter from billy collins! and hes really nice! oh yay! i was really afraid that he was going to be like "go away, dont talk to me, grrr", but he was nice! oh yay!
one of these days im going to beat ben sims into a pulp if he says one more homophobic thing. im just so mad at him. i always just let it pass, cause im too scared to get on his case about it, but one of these days ill just yell at him... grr.
ok, now we have covered a range of emotions here, im out.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:33 PM |

 
[brazil theme]
today i saw gandhis grandson. it was amazing. then i started thinking about religion and i decided that my goal for this summer is to read the religious texts of all the major world religions. wont that be fun?
in baseball i got a really cool bruise, complete with seams. you should take a look.
also: tech week, yay! im sad i didnt get to go out to dinner, but i still had fun. i actually did something today. woohoo for me! im useful. after rehersal dan plack played some songs that i really liked. cordelia, what were those? i want to burn them...
anyway, it looks like i will be skipping the games to go to tech week. and im not lying anymore because mrs ridenour actually did request me to get there on time for the performances. so no guilt.
i got home and had lots of good mail, 2 of which had QT on the cover. yay! i read one of the articles, and even though it was about QT and UT, it was really terribly written. the writer kept on refering to himself as "we". i hate that. i havent read the other one yet. its too late.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:17 PM |

 
streetlight
ugh. what a long weekend. the play was fun- im not doing anything, so i just get to hang around. yay! and there are plans to see kill bill!woohoo.
i just started feeling nervous today about something that i shouldnt really be nervous about. my nerves were calmed for a little, but im nervous again. ick. plus, i cant hold a baby properly.
anyway, hopes for this summer are high, though next week is gonna be really hectic. but boy, do i love our tv right now.
- posted by Caitlin @ 9:19 PM |

 
mama pajama rolled outta bed
baseball was fun. we lost the first game 6-4 and then won the next one 6-4. i didnt get to play. :-( they were too close. but maayan came! yay! and mr sutton! i bet you all wish you were there now...
on the way to crew me and maayan found a necklace on the sidewalk. it was sorta pretty, so we picked it up, but didnt have anything to do with it. then sasha walked by, and i asked him if he wanted a necklace, and he said "oh my god, thats my necklace!" wow, that was a good coincidence.
we left crew because there was nothing to do.
anyway, im looking forward to summer when i can drive. and i still havent heard beck from mr. collins.
- posted by Caitlin @ 3:36 PM |

 
i want resivoir dogs!
ah, finally, its friday. yay!
ooh, good news(well, for me). im going to the u chicago summer writing thing! yay!im so excited. i can hang out at seminary books:-).
i went to rehersal today, and had absolutly nothing to do. hmm. oh well, ill still hang around tech week and such, ill find something to do.
i havent heard from billy collins yet. ergh. how long does it take to answer an email?
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:35 PM |

 
99 bottles of beer on the wall...
one of the reasons i dont like talking on aim is cause you cant actually hear people. so i cant tell if people are getting pissed off at me, or if someone is being sarcasitc... and im always afraid that someone will missinterpret something i said. grr. i love aim, but it is frustating...
today i wrot a letter to billy collins. i craftily found his email adress on the cuny faculty page. i hope he is nice to me.
oh wow, tis late. how did it get so late? eek. i need to print out a poem for unique and also one for cw. i am unsure about my cw poem. i dont really know if i like it or not. but i suppose that means it will be good for me to turn it in... i can hear other opinions.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:14 PM |

 
i apologize
do you ever get in those moods where youre just in a really bad mood, and one little thing happens, and you blame your entire bad mood on that one thing? and then everyone thinks youre ridiculous because that one thing is so insignificant? yea...
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:37 PM |

 
and those two dudes...
i was having a good day up until a few minutes ago. i just found out that im gonna have baseball during the movie i was looking forward to most. i know that its really pitiful when so much depends on just one little movie, but thats the way it is. im really crushed that im not gonna get to see this.
ok, now that ive really proved how stupid i am, for anyone who didnt already know, im gonna move on.

- posted by Caitlin @ 8:24 PM |

 
check out the big brain on brett!
ah, im looking forward to seder so much! my first real one! im so excited.
just a note from a few days ago: did you know marilyn came to champaign? she did. she was here, at willard aiport, in 1955. isnt that amazing?
today mr suttons dad subed for us, and he was great. we watched a movie about this big flood in 1927, and he REMEMBERED it! isnt that amazing? were learning about this stuff in history, and he LIVED it. and his parents, or maybe grandparents, remembered the CIVIL WAR. wow. i hope that someday im old enough to remember history.
anyway: alias, good, lauren, evil evil evil incarnate.
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:46 PM |

 
mama mia, here i go again
ugh, im so bored. today i have spent just sitting around watching tv and doing NOTHING. im so terrible. and eating, too. girl scout cookies.
i went to the work day just to make an appearence, but then i felt sorry for my self. so i did what i always do, got some movies and watched them. ah, how i love french new wave. it was still pretty pitiful, though. but now i have seen my movies, and i have nothing to do. nothings on tv.
theres stuff i should be doing, like homework, etc, but im not. boohoo.
- posted by Caitlin @ 4:08 PM |

 
brother brother brother, theres too many of you dying
if i stay myself, i will get stuck with nancy reagan, who will think im sexy. but if i change my name to liss and my favorite color to purple, then i end up with jennifer aniston, who will think im god...
today was a good day, with a good april fools joke and a really funny impression by mr rayb. also, i had two hits, well, technically one, but im gonna say two, in baseball today, in our scrimmage. yay for me!
my mom went shopping and got us this really weird cinnamon toothpaste. i havent tasted it yet, but i hope its good, cause im looking forward to it.
my rolling sotne came today, and it had a list of the 50 greatest artisits ever. as a result of this, i am feeling what alison felt a while ago, the need to listen to more music. but i want to listen to older music. specifically, i really want to listen to chuck berry right now. i want to become thora birch in ghost world, with her record player and good old music. i know thats not chuck berry, but you know what i mean. theres just all this good stuff im missing out on because i only have about 5 cds that i actually play.
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:33 PM |