i thought that love would last forever; i was wrong
ugh, what a day. i have converted a new person to my kavalier and clay cult. i guess technically she hasnt read it yet, but no one can resist(o cordelia, you will love it so much!)
i played exceptionally badly today in baseball, but it still ended up being a good pracice, oddly enough. its funny how things work out that way. weve tivo-d the yankees game from last night/this morning, but i already know that they won, so im not really sure if i want to watch it. besides, my mom is watching kingdom hospital, so i couldnt even if i wanted to.
i was doing my math homework so diligently, but then the batteries in my(actually it was alisons) batteries died, so i stopped. i dont really want to look for a new calculator. but i had a big feast downstairs. bread with mozzerella, and then bread with tapenda( i think thats what its called. its basically mushed up olives and garlic). it was good. i may have more. i also had some fancy kind of earl grey tea, which was yummiful.
anyway, im still worrying about doing to much stuff, and how i will possibly balance it, but i wont complain. actually i will, but just to myself.
also: i am being very annoyed by a certain person. i will not say who, because this is a public thing and im not that mean. suffice to say that im annoyed.
i snooped around the poetry book,and i was sad to see that they dont have many of my favorite poems. yea, dylan thomas is welsh, so i guess he doesnt really belong in an anthology of american poetry, but still(alison, do you remember that book where they read dylan thomas even though it was an american lit class, and then the teacher dies? what was that?). and they put in the wrong WCW poems. and all the reast of my favorite poems were published after the 1920s, so im screwed. why did they leave those out? its such a good era for poetry. speaking of poems: we read a good one today in cw. i liked it muchly. but i forgot to bring my cw book thing home, so i cant read it, and i just have to remember it. ah, ohio blue tip matches!
- posted by Caitlin @ 9:17 PM |

 
fucking a!
okay, i remembered what i was feeling guilty about. when all the soccer girls left today in german, i pretended i was in soccer and left with them. which was funny. but then right before english he saw me in the hall and said"what, i thought you left! youre not on the soccer team!" then he shook his head and turned around sadly. which im not too upset about- its just herr w. but now im worried that hell hate me when doing grades- we have basically nothing graded this quarter, so my grade rests entirely on what he thinks of me.
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:03 PM |

 
mamacita
ugh. i feel so guilty about all the baseball practices im missing. today i got hit in the nose with a ball, and it bled, and i felt really dumb. i mean, who gets hit in the nose??? youre supposed to catch those balls!
what else is it that was making me guilty? i cant remember. ill tell you when i do- i like to confess.
i read my poem today in english, and loved it muchly. is it too pretentious of me to say that mine was the best? i guess thats to be expected- it was supposed to be your favorit poem.
ooh, and i got a good cause for you: www.savebobedwards.com . if you dont know who bob edwards is, heres a quick run down: hes the host of morning edition, the npr news show, and they just changed him to senior corespondent, against his wishes. he loves morning edition. its his baby, and in a few weeks it would have been his 25th year doing it. also, hes the only person in the studio on passover, so we dont want to loose him! anyway, go sign the petition, even if you dont really care, because i do, and i would be sad if he left.
ok, guilty things are not readily coming to mind, so im out
- posted by Caitlin @ 7:52 PM |

 
im a one man guy in the morning
finally, im back from a veeery long trip. my cat was so happy to see me she bit me. but not very hard, so i still love her. i also returned home to yes!, just in time for baseball. woohoo.also:prom dress. ask me about it and i will tell you.
so:four colleges. one was bad, two were good, one was ok. again, with the asking here. you can tell ive been really deprived. i got on aim forn patty and chris's house, and i was so happy, yay, aim, i can talk to my freinds, but no one was on! so now i need to talk to people.
my need for a swing set at uni had been expanded.
also, i learned a new phrase(fucking a!fucking a!) and then there was a mendoza effect, and now i will have to use it, so watch out.
(don't you sometimes wish you new how use a computor so you could get italics on your blog? i sure do, because i need my italics.)
also, a forbidden movie: y tu mama tambien. yay!yay!yay! it was excellent, even the end, even though it made me sad. hooray for abbey! ten years and shes still pulling us down stairs on exercize mats.
also: mr rayb, you were right.
anyway, im off to enjoy my house. its so pretty here! all the sun and the leaves which are still little babies and my cat. oh, so much lovliness!
- posted by Caitlin @ 5:09 PM |

 
and i like munster
ah, what a good day. race went..., well, i finished. i am now quite sore. then there was fun-ness at maayans house. we luaghed [co-mingling], we cried, we ate ice cream at baskin robbins and i did my walrus impression.
then, on to ayeshas, where i made a beautiful anklet and earrings, and watched airplane and finding nemo. ah, fun fun fun.
i had a sudden urge today to be a black man so i could have cool hair. it just wouldnt look the same on me. boo hoo.
also, a conversation i overheard today between two women, this si just too good:
1: ...and my house was just a mess. the dishes needed to be washed, and i hadn't done any laundry, and i may have looked calm, but inside, i wanted to cry. but i picked myself up and did it.
2: you go girl!
[more stuff about housework]
1:latley craig has just been eating what i eat. he wants to slim down some, for his church role, you know.(quietly) hes playing jesus
i dont know how well that came across written... but i was just really amused by it.
anyway, on to packing, this will be loads of fun.
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:01 PM |

 
mr karakis is streaking through the cold cuts!
ah, finally, im done. physics and math both went relatively well, and coach nelson didnt get mad at me, so im all happy. yes, i do have to run 9 miles tommorrow, and yes, i havent run in 2 weeks, but ill take it slow and it will be fun.
now, i get to read my short stories and watch movies and do fun stuff... yay. you know what movie i really want to watch right now? four weddings and a funeral. yes, despite andie mcdowell. this feeling has probably been spurred by my dearest W.H. another movie that would be good? as good as it gets. ah, just remembering that makes me happy.
anyway, there is life outside of movies, so i need to start working on my 'calling buisnesses" skills...
also, do some reaserch on 'grunt', who we know is a boy or else his name would be 'grunta'
- posted by Caitlin @ 7:17 PM |

 
oh-bla-di, oh-bla-da
i had spectacuarly bad day today, and tommorrow will be evenm worse, but, to be optimistic, here are the good things that happened:
1) ms majerus forgot to pass out my open genre assignment, so everyone didnt have to read it!
2)sasha got me a "make love not war" pin from the sex fair. thank you
3)the return of new conversations
now i have to get back to studying for my TWO tests, erg. also, a dilemma: tell coach nelson that i wont be there on saturday because of a race(the truth) or that well have left already for our trip? i dont want him to be mad at me for not coming to practice...
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:05 PM |

 
is your refrigirator running?
dang, i was watching the l word, but then my parents came home, and i was too guilty to watch it with them there. which is esp bad cause i gave up my history paper to watch it. and i was enjoying it. ill have to find some other wednesday to watch it. or maybe it shows at a diffrent time. i should do reaserch.
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:15 PM |

 
a change in the matrix
today i experienced some serious conversation deja vous(is that how you spell it?). i need to get myself some new things to talk about.
i met with mr rayb to plan my independent study, and i just have to say, it will be the best class ever. not only are we gonna read the canterbury tales, we also might read sir gawain and the green knight! and other stuff in middle english! im really excited about it.
anyway, the goal today is to finish all my homework so i can do the history journal, so i can get a good grade. doing my homework on time, i have discovered, is really rewarding.
also, i am feeling guilty anout missing so many baseball practices. i feel bad, esp since our new coach is so serious...
what is brown and sitcky? a stick.
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:07 PM |

 
komm gibt mir deine hand
i would like to share with you a few works of geniusness:

Supermarket
My supermarket is bigger than your supermarket. That’s
what America’s all about. Nowhere am I happier,
nowhere am I more myself. In the supermarket, there
you feel free. Listen: the carts roll
on their oiled wheels, the cash register sings
to the Sound of Music, the bagboys are unbearably polite!
Everywhere there are lies, but in the supermarket we speak truth.
The sallow young man by the cornstarch bumps my cart,
I tell him, There are always two brothers. One is
hardworking, serious. The other is good-looking but worthless;
he drinks, he is a natural athlete, he seduces Priscilla
Warren whom the older brother loves, and then abandons her.
Yes, cries the sallow young man, O my god yes!
Everywhere there are lies, I lie to my classes, I say,
Eat this poem. Eat that poem. Good for you.
I say, Sonnets have more vitamins than villanelles,
I give green stamps for the most vivid images.
But in the supermarket truth blows you over like a clearance sale.
I meet Mrs. Pepitone by the frozen fish, dark circles
under her dark eyes. I tell her, If we had met 16 years earlier
in the dairy section perhaps, everything would have been different.
Yes! Mrs. Pepitone cracks a Morton pie in her bare hands, lust
floods the aisles, a tidal wave, everyone staring
at everyone else with total abandon; Mr. Karakis is streaking
through the cold cuts! Outside, the lies continue.
We lie in church, we say
Buy Jesus and you get Mary free. If you have faith
you can eat pork, dollar a chop.
We give plaid stamps for the purest souls.
I meet Sue Morgan by the family-sized maxi-pads. Or
is it mini-pads?--Or is it mopeds? In the supermarket
everything sounds like everything else. I tell her,
You can see azaleas in the dark, the white ones
glow like the eyes of angels. I tell her, Azaleas
are the soul of the South, you kill all azaleas
Jimmy Carter will shrivel like a truffle. Yes,
she exclaims, Hallelujah! And still the lies
pile up on the sidewalk, they’re storming
the automatic doors. Mr. Hanratty the manager throws himself
in front of the electric beam, he knows this means
he will be sterile forever, but the store comes first:
the lies retreat to the First National Bank
where they meet no resistance. Meanwhile,
in the supermarket I am praising truth-in-advertising
laws, I am trying to figure the exact price per ounce,
the precise percentage of calcium propionate. And
for you, my tenderest darling, to whom I always return
laden with groceries, I bring Spaghetti-O’s and chocolate
kisses, I tip whole shelves into my cart, the bag boys
turn pale at my approach, they do isometric exercises.
But I know this excess is unnecessary,
I say, My friends, think Small, use the 8-item line, who
needs more than 8 items? All you really need is
civility, honesty, courage, and five loaves of wheatberry bread.
Listen friends, Life is no rip-off, the oranges are full of
juice, their coloring the best we can do, why do you think
we live so long? So long.
My dear friends, the supermarket is open. Let us begin.
-peter meinke


Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W. H. Auden

werent those just the best things youve ever read? oh, im so happy for having discovered them, though i don't take the credit for the discovery- someone discovered them for me, and now i am basking in it.
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:31 PM |

 
youre the one whos "dying here"
ugh. i feel sick. which is bad cause i have a history test to study for and i cant concentrate.
i had my parent confrence with lisa, which was akward. i dont really want to discuss my college intrests and grades in front of my parents. im looking forward to one without them. but as a result of my meeting-thing, my entire day turned into "lets worry about grades" day. someone comfort me.
i had to turn in my bad open genre assignment in cw, which sucked, cause i didnt have time to write a better one( i was finishing my uchicago app! good for me). but ms majerus liked my one act play, so hopefully that will make up for it.
- posted by Caitlin @ 9:47 PM |

 
hooray for me!
i am feeling immensly proud of myself for finally finishing my uchicago application thing, so now i can kick back and worry about it for 2 weeks! yay, im so looking forward to it. also, i am feeling bad for my lack of spelling abilities. i have a negative amount of spelling abilities. i need a little henry to sit in my head and tell me how to spell things. actually, henry inside my head- eek. how bout a spell checker?
anyway, im looking forward to tommorrow with no baseball, and hopes are high for german immersion!
also, high hope for going to see the yankees in clevland this summer!!!! oh, how i love baseball and the yankees, and how i look forward to getting hidekis autograph- matsuisan, sign-shte kudasei?
oh yay, im finally in a happy mood,despite certain people being HUGELY depressing and trying to pull me down, i am floating on a sea of happy thoughts!
- posted by Caitlin @ 11:02 PM |

 
its not warm when youre away
what do you call a potato with a penis? a dictator.
today i sucked even more than usual in baseball and i realized what a push over i am [rudy valentini?]. how sad. so i tried asserting my rights today- tell me how its working.
also: recived book. yay. forgot to bring fear and loathing in las vegas back to eli. sadness.
wish me luck on everything, im off because i have too much to do, and i went to sleep around 2:00 last night. thats not happening tonight.

- posted by Caitlin @ 9:43 PM |

 
im so-o-o stupid...
today i am faced with feelings of stupidness because i cant spell "makebelieve"(now i can), and i poem i really like turned out to be whole lot longer than i thought it was, which is even more embarrassing because i did a paper on it last year. eek. also, i am realizing the suckiness of my writing. another bad thing: my computor isn't working, and it is putting up letters with some sort of delay, at regular intervals of one letter every half second or so, so i can't see what im typing. it sucks. also, more badness: i cant get html code to work for me. ahh! where are my comments????? theyre IN THE CODE!!!! why is it not working???? anyone who to get them to work, please help me.
on the bright side, i was just enjoying six feet under, and ahh, how nice.
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:30 PM |

 
kinderschokolade
CAN YOU SHOWER BENEATH WATERFALLS? Yes. HOW DOES IT FEEL? It feels like you have won the lottery and fallen in love on the same day, on your birthday, on a purple moon made of velour.
i finally finished fear and loathing in las vegas, and am now in that 'in between' phase where i read several things at once before i settle down as to what book to read.
on friday i watched the crying game with ayesha, and was delighted to find out that it was every bit as good as i had always thought it was. and i was also extremely proud of myself for my secret keeping skills.
I was in the undergrad library on saturday reading scarlet letter stuff and this chinese guy came up to me and asked me to read a short paper for him and check it for grammer mistakes. it was short, so i did, and five minutes latter he came back with a soda, as a "little treat" for me, and took his paper. i was to scared to drink it in the library, so i had it, and was yummified by it, when i was waiting outside for my mom.
alison got these nifty comment thingys, so im gonna try. wish me luck.
- posted by Caitlin @ 4:11 PM |

 
am den weg zum tao
today i pulled a muscle in baseball and felt reaqlly useless. i also learned that ill be missing our first game. thats sad.
i called knox and schedualed and appointment, and the woman bullied me into getting an admissions interview. eek. im intimidated.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYESHA!!!!!
in honor of ayeshas bday we went outside and sang and then played tao in german, which was great, then we reminisced about elementary school weirdness (rocks-in-the-leg thing, anyone?) how fun
wish me luck on the math test
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:29 PM |

 
take me home again
today i felt sad because of my lack of basic speaking abilities, but i also felt more loved today, so i was happy.
i have this mysterious lack of homework that is very nice now, but its all gonna come back to haunt me on thursday, when i will have to do an annotated bibliography and some sort of cw project, as of yet to be determined.
today ayesha spoke to me about my bizarre habit of blowing into my hands in rhythem, and i realized just how weird it is, and now im very self-conscious whenever i do it. i never realized how often that was before... oh god, im such a dork. like dimmesdale.
in baseball today our assistant coach, coach tucker, comes up to me when im batting off the tee, and says "so, last year, did you hit balls mostly in the air, or on the ground?" me:"um, the ground, i guess." him:"oh, well, you know, it's oerfectly ok to hit balls on the ground, you can have lots of scoring oppertunities that way." me:" uh, yea" him:"yea, and your swing looks really good, keep it up."
he's a nice guy, but i dont really think he knows what to do.
- posted by Caitlin @ 10:33 PM |

 
im no angel
today i felt both intrusive and unloved, at seperate times. both times made me feel very sad. i was sad about my intrusive feelings cause i was being dumb and complicating things which werent complicated, and i felt sad about my unloved feelings cause, well, i felt unloved.
i finally finished all my stuff last night. the paper sucked. my play was one of the better things ive written this year, i think. or maybe i should reread it. i often think things are better than they really are late at night(i wonder what that means for my poor history paper. IM SORRY MR SUTTON!) in cw we got our new goups, and mine is so much superior than my last one, so im very happy. yay for good groups! i slept in both german and physics, and felt bad about sleeping in physics cause im in the first row. eek. ill have to be extra good tommorrow to make up for it. during lunch a bunch of vetmed people came to give a brown bagger, and no uni students were in there. i felt really bad for them, and considered going in there and pretend to be intrested, but i decided that i wanted my lunch free. i hope someone went.
- posted by Caitlin @ 7:20 PM |

 
AUUGHH part 2
can i just say that my play sucks? its going nowhere and im so frusterated because my charectors have nothing to talk about. so theyre just saying a bunch of random crap and its the most boring thing in the world. my ice creams gone and my cds over, but i dont have the motivation to get up and put some music on. so im just sitting here sulking. maybe i should get started on my matewan paper. GAAAAAAAA! this day sucks, i hate it, only bad things happen on this day
- posted by Caitlin @ 5:39 PM |

 
5000 fingers of ...who is that again?
i succsefully got ice cream with neither parent seeing, and i got back on the computor intending to write, but instead my fingers took me to the internet. amazon.com, to be exact. oh, you naughty fingers. there, i looked up dvds and fantasized about buying lots of dvds so i could expand my collection. in my imaginary collection, i have: band of outsiders, breathless, double indemnity(sigh), tokyo story, umberto d., and it goes on and on. my mischevious fingers also made a list of directors i like, in an attempt to stave off homework. here it is: billy wilder, godard, wes anderson, the coen brothers, almodovar, QT. that was fun, wasnt it fingers? why is it that when im bored, i make lists, especially movie lists?
- posted by Caitlin @ 4:22 PM |

 
AUGGGH
i am writing an extremly banal play and its really boring, but i have nothing else to write about. hopefully it will be like samuel beckett, i know ms majerus likes him. right now though, eeh. nothing.[like smoking without inhaling]. i really want some ice cream, but my parents are sitting in the kitchen, and i know they will give me looks if i have some. hmm. me and alison were just being very crafty, and then i learned that my name in japanese is a hut and boobs. is this a good thing or bad? i dont know either.
this morning a minor miracle occured with ebertfest. im very excited.
- posted by Caitlin @ 4:18 PM |

 
dont try to fight the feeling
last night i realized that i had a huge amount of homework, but, being the person that i am, i didnt do any of it. stupid me. now im sitting around in my pyjamas doing 50 projects at once. ick. currently im writing my cw play, and trying to come up with little old grandmother names. as i have no salma hayek, mia is acting as my muse.
i cant hear ya! i say, what's cooler than being cool? ice cold!
- posted by Caitlin @ 3:07 PM |

 
six feet under tommorrow!
this morning i woke up and heard cordelia and my mom talking outside of my window. i thought "what is cordelia doing here?", so i went down to say hi, but neither she nor my mom were there. ah, early morning hallucinations.
i went out driving with ken and learned how to back up and make u-turns and, most excitedly, make emergency stops, which basically means "go really really fast and then see how quickly you can stop" it was very fun.
then for the rest of the day ive been putting of doing homework, as usual, and instead watching tv. i watched "bang bang youre dead", which was every bit was good as i had heard it was, and my, how i love ben foster.
- posted by Caitlin @ 5:19 PM |

 
what would you do with a pumpkin eater
alison is freaking out over blank emails. haha. i am laughing at her.
today i diagnosed myself with polio. then henry told me that it didnt exist any more, and i said "thats what you think!" so everyone, watch out, because polios on the loose.
also, i am being stumped by fun but difficult puzzles. i wish all of math were like this. sigh.
yesterday me and ayesha disscussed our handwirtins, and she decided that by bs, ds, and 9s all suck. i treid changing them today, but i realized that if i change my bs and ds, my whole handwriting is kapput [finished!]. so im not changing them. but the 9s are still go. at least she liked my backwards Qs
- posted by Caitlin @ 6:29 PM |

 
mrs robinson, youre trying to seduce me... arent you?
today i had a pottasium deficiency ad ate 3 bananas when i got home form baseball. they were yummy. now im having ice cream cravings, but i feel guilty about eating ice cream when no one else does.
im also having one hundred years of solitude nostalgia after having read that louise erdirch(?) story in cw. maybe i will reread it, but i have so much else to read.
i dont care about money. i just want to be wonderful.
im also being sneaky but failing miserably.
today in math class i drew little smily faces on my knuckles, but they weret nearly as cool as my 'love' and 'hate', so i tried to wash them off, but it didnt go very well. theyre still there.
- posted by Caitlin @ 8:29 PM |

 
tat-zi-oh, tat-zi-ohn
today at dinner i embarrassed myself by mixing up the words "gay" and "jew". i think they are very similar words, dont you agree?
me and ayesha are playing a little game, and i cant tell you what it is, but if you factor into it i will let you know.
also, i tried to run up the stairs after being downstairs to get some food(york peppermint patties) and i realized that i couldnt run up ataris. i feel so weak-this is BASEBALL!! were not supposed to be sore! im gonna talk to everyone tommorrow, and theyre not gonna be sore at all, and ill feel dumb.
also, the lesson of the day: lie and be bad, and you will go far in life. and get to meet johnny depp.
also, sad fact of the day: today in physics i was drawing and i drew this dress, and i fell in love with it. it was like pygmalion, but with a dress. it was so pretty. i started daydreaming about making it. it was so much fun. then i realized that i couldnt sew, and i was sad
- posted by Caitlin @ 9:21 PM |

 
ive run out of creative juices
how do you spell- DICK???? ridiculous!ridiculous!
with that funny thought in mind, let us now continue...
baseball was fun untill the very end when he worked us to death. hes good, and the assistant coach is nice but doesnt seem to know what to do with himself. i almost collapsed from exhaustion on the way home- i hope im not just being a wimp.
in the background i can hear the tinkling of my dad playing purple haze. today in physics we learned relativity- not the intresting stuff, though. but still, better than boring mechanics.
- posted by Caitlin @ 7:05 PM |

 
what the butler saw
today i went to illinois wesleyan, and felt bad because i missed a movie, but it was intresting in a college-y way. i want to email ilovedrugs@aol.com.should i tell him that he didnt get in? he should have known better.
im cheating on mr.poufy with mr.flipping-out-in-weird-directions.
ooh, and baseball starts tommorrow. this coach is really serious. i hope hes not dissapointed by how bad we are. but, i must admit, i am not looking forward to practice indoors. i should have played catch with dad yesterday- i wanted to, but then i was distracted by homework and the oscars, and then it was too late.
- posted by Caitlin @ 9:16 PM |